4 Things to Consider When Selecting a Therapist That’s A Good Fit For You

The process of figuring out if a therapist is a good fit can be overwhelming. Maybe you are looking for a therapist for the first time and don’t know where to begin. Perhaps you have just started with one and are still assessing if they are a good fit, or you’re just starting to consider the idea of reaching out to someone and are feeling skeptical about whether they can offer what you need. Wherever you are in this process, below you will find guidance about the essential components to consider when it comes to finding a possible therapist. As you read through the following suggestions, I trust that you will take what works and leave the rest, as we believe you are the expert of your own life. 

First, it may be beneficial for you to spend some time thinking about who you envision yourself working well with, as it is normal to have preferences! Knowing where you stand with yourself will give you a blueprint to follow to know what to look for in a potential therapist. Studies have shown that the therapeutic relationship you form with your therapist is one of the most significant factors in a successful therapy outcome. Through exploring the following areas, I want to remind you to stay curious and give yourself permission to advocate for what works best for you in these areas to get the most out of your therapy experience! 

1. Intersection of Identity  

• First and foremost, let’s get into the concept of intersectionality. This term describes how people’s various social identities such as race/ethnicity, class, gender, sexuality, ability/disability status, religious affiliation, and immigrant status overlap with one another and with systems of power in our society that create privilege and oppression. Clarifying the ways in which your own identities intersect can help you uncover the importance of your potential therapist’s intersection of identities. If you’re someone who holds oppressed identities, it may feel more comfortable to work with a therapist that looks like you or possesses some of the same identities as you. On the other hand, after further reflection, you may find that this feels less important to you when it comes to finding the right fit. In fact, you may find that you prefer working with a therapist who has different identities than your own. 

• In addition to identity, another area that may be valuable to consider in choosing a therapist that clicks with you is someone who makes you feel validated and understood within your own identities. This can build a sense of safety within the therapeutic relationship and help you build rapport right from the start! It may be clear from the start your therapist has similar life experience(s), or maybe not. Therapists may or may not disclose their own life experiences, depending on therapeutic benefit to the client, as well as the clinician’s own therapeutic views and style. Some questions of curiosity to ask yourself as you establish a therapeutic relationship could be:

• Do I feel seen and understood by this person?

• Is there a sense of relatability in how we discuss what is important to me?

• Does this therapist help offer me a perspective that is open, needed, and helpful? 

2. Alignment

• Even in cases when there may or may not be a similarity of identities, knowing if you and the therapist align on important ideals could be helpful in establishing a comfortable, safe, and understanding therapeutic relationship. Some values-based lingo to familiarize yourself with and consider before going on a search for your potential therapist includes (but is not limited to):

• Religious/spiritual considerations, sex-positive, trauma-informed, poly/kink friendly, queer/LGBTQ+ affirming, anti-racist/anti-oppressive, inclusive, justice-oriented, culturally-responsive, body-positive 

• Particularly for those with identities in underrepresented communities, or otherwise, it can be helpful to understand how the therapist you are interested in working with addresses the impacts of colonialism in the mental health field, willingness to examine their privilege, and acknowledge biases present for them that could create gaps in their therapy practice, are essential areas to clarify before establishing a relationship.

3. Specialization/Niche Area 

• Another area to consider is if a therapist’s practice has a specific specialization or niche area. Consider if  the therapist you are interested in working with has expertise in the areas you intend to explore in your sessions with them. Some therapists may have extra training on various ways to work with their niche area, while others may not. 

• Look for language on their website that applies to you, such as:

• Trauma/PTSD, relationship conflict, infidelity, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, queer/trans identity exploration, culturally sensitive, BIPOC, teens, blended families, parenting, couples & sex therapy, immigrant communities, etc. 

4. Therapeutic Style & Vibe

• Lastly, I believe considering the therapist’s innate nature, their style of therapy, and the general vibe you feel from them are essential to determining a solid fit. Every therapist’s style is different and largely dependent on their temperament, personality traits, and lens in which they view the world. When considering what kind of therapy/type of therapist is going to work best for you, ask yourself these questions:

• What ingredients of a relationship are most important to you?

• What personalities do you get along with best? (i.e., cut to the chase, gentle, casual, formal, structured/unstructured, etc.)

• Do you want to be challenged more directly or indirectly? 

• Do you appreciate a more collaborative approach, or is that less important? 

• How important is humor to you? Do you understand/enjoy sarcasm?

• Your answers to the above questions will give you a good starting point as to how to begin figuring out from a stylistic point of view the type of therapist you may get along with the best. 

Ultimately, the way you instinctively connect with the therapist over the first few sessions, will help offer more information into if the clinician is a good fit. Do you naturally feel safe and understood? Or are you having to work hard to feel that way? Trust yourself - you are allowed to honor your feelings in this process of finding a therapist that is a good fit and you deserve to work with someone who sees and understands all of you!